#like maybe not all of them but some at least... its not like it matters

[peanutalergy]

child-free - s.r. × reader

reader doesnt want kids and thats the whole thing. hurt/comfort ? i think? i don't know sorry i'm a little drunk. fem!reader, husband!spencer, i imagined this as post-prison but i don't think it matters. i don't know. i hate this. sorryyyy

w/c: educated guess 950.

a/n: sorry i hate this i'm a little intoxicated and i have been since opening google docs. actually since before then. anyway requested here !! (lowkey recommend reading the request to know what this is about because i don't even think i know anymore) are the kids' names right? i don't know. idek what im doing with my life anymore bro.

a pair of baby boots at target.

this is the kind of thing you're supposed to discuss with your partner before even getting into a serious relationship.

you were sure you would've had the conversation with spencer before getting to this point. you had it all planned out in your mind, but he was down on one knee before you even brought up the idea of babies.

everyone knows he's great with children, and he never did much to hide how much he'd like to be a father. every day you've been with him, you hated that you could never give that to him.

maybe something within you hoped it would go away. maybe if you were married for long enough. maybe some second puberty would come to make you crave babies instead of just sex like the first one did. maybe you'd wake up some day and the feeling would be gone.

but seeing all of your friends give birth and tell their stories about it only made the fear worse.

now you have a husband who doesn't know about it.

maybe he has a feeling. maybe he can tell by the way you shut down whenever the subject is even remotely referenced. maybe he hears the subtle shake in your voice, the one you barely even notice, when you talk about jack, henry, and michael. he is a profiler, after all. maybe he knew it all along and he was fine with it.

no matter how much you tell yourself that, your heart drops when you see him being the way he is with kids.

a pair of pink baby boots, bunny ears and a red nose that make it almost a good idea. you're sure you would've loved them as a kid.

going shopping isn't a good choice if you're not in a good mood. from behind, his hands wrapping around your waist startle you just enough to get your eyes away from the boots that you wish came in a bigger size.

“they're out of the toothpaste we always get,” he rests his chin on your shoulder, “what're you looking at?”

you shrug. you try to ignore the hint of a smile you can hear in his voice when he spots the shoes in your hand, “these were just, uh… misplaced.”

“they're cute.” he nuzzles his face into the side of your neck (since when is he so into pda? since when does it make you uncomfortable?).

you try to let out a laugh, but all that comes out is a stiff huff of air. putting them aside, you grab whatever it was that you came to this aisle for, “the, uh… the other toothpaste is fine.”

he doesn't bring up your silence after that. not until nighttime, at least.

he wears the kind of t-shirts a (very nerdy) dad would wear to bed. not even the thought of him wearing them while making breakfast for the kids with his face makes it feel like a good idea.

“what's going on with you?”

“hm?”

“you've been quiet since the store.” and you stay quiet, now. “c'mon, angel. tell me, what's on that pretty head of yours?”

he can tell when you take a minute to think, and he gives it to you. warmer hands gently rub circles on your back as he waits for you to speak up, “i don't want to have kids.”

the silence makes you wonder if he's about to call a divorce lawyer. “okay.”

“okay?” you lift up your head from its designated spot, tucked under his chin, and you look at him with brows knitted together in surprise.

“yeah, okay.”

“you… you don't– i mean, you don't want to be a dad?”

“i don't have to be a dad.”

“spencer, you love kids.”

propping himself up on one elbow, he nods and looks at you with a reassuring smile, “i love you more.”

he lets out a small chuckle at your dumbfounded expression. there's another moment of silence, during which you examine his face and try to tell if he's lying, before he speaks up again, voice all love and honesty.

“i can't ask you to have children just because it's something i want.” kindly cutting your response off, he doesn't let you argue, “if i was so adamant on that, i would have made sure to talk to you about it before we got married. i'm not with you just because i want kids. i’m with you because of you. and i want to have the family you want. i don't want them, if you don't.”

foolishly, you didn't think he'd agree so easily. you find yourself stuck on trying to find something to say. what if you do, eventually? goes through your mind, but he's speaking again before you can even open your mouth.

“motherhood isn't the only part of being a woman, it's not even the biggest one. you don't have to be a mom, and i don't have to be a dad.”

how is he even real?

the lump in your throat, that is, for once, the good kind, makes it hard to speak. so, you wrap you hand around his neck and you kiss him in a way you can only hope expresses all the love you feel for him – you wouldn't be able to put it into words, anyway.

his warm breath brushes against the top of your hair, soft voice comforting all the fears that still linger even after you pull away.

finally, when he kisses your forehead, you don't get the bitter taste in your mouth imagining the disappointment he'd feel knowing he won't ever do that with your kid. you just feel the sickeningly sweet sensation of his skin on yours.

henry and michael don't get the friends jj said they would from you and spencer, but sergio surely does love the dogs and cats you both call your children.

[smtmsthnk]

the more I think about, the more i realize that maybe the problem all along was not that some reader don't understand the conflicts in mdzs (sometimes, that too) but that they don't understand the sheer scope of conflict

it is easier for readers to comprehend internal conflicts and while there are internal conflicts in the story they are ultimately not the reason behind the tragedy of wei wuxian's first life and the wen remnants' fate and consequent slaughter. to put it in other words: the first siege was not the result of wei wuxian's direct action or inaction, it was a part of systematic issue of the jianghu and their ostracization of wei wuxian and the wen remnants

and i also know that many ppl want wei wuxian to have a happier ending in his first life. wouldn't it be better if he and everyone who he loved were alive and safe and unharmed? and it is far easier to imagine a fix-it plot when the problem is on the actions of the individual. wouldn't the situation change if only character A did this? won't there be a happy ending if only the villain died earlier?

and don't get me wrong: i love myself a fix-it fic and i like a lot of them for mdzs. but this post isn't about fics

so, returning to the previous point: it is far easier to blame the individual. but the main conflict in mdzs is not an internal one, it's an external conflict: a man vs the world, a man vs society. and mxtx shows us that in this kind of conflict, the man and his ambitions will always perish: whether it be wei wuxian or xiao xingchen or even mianmian and lan wangji who tried to defend wei wuxian (lan wangji spoke in wei wuxian's defence several times, but did anyone listen? no). she is very realistic in this, actually, and i love her messages and ideas specifically in mdzs as they are the closest to my own

mdzs is a very realistic novel in general: even though headcanons and fanons about "modao" and how it was corrupting wei wuxian and the yin hufu being a cursed artifact with its own mind are very prevalent in the fandom, it's not like that at all in the novel. there are no voices coming from the yin hufu which want wei wuxian to kill anyone and everyone and drive him mad. wei wuxian doesn't even use modao and guidao isn't the reason for his unstable mental state but rather all the truly horrific and terrible situations that he was faced with in such a short term i'm left wondering if there is anyone else who could have lived through all of this like he did

but i digress. my main point: i don't deny that there are internal conflicts in mdzs, but the reason behind the tragedy of the first siege, the slaughter of the wen remnants, wei wuxian's death — the reason for all of this is a systematic issue born from the privilege and hypocrisy of the jianghu and its ruling class, not a consequence of an individual's action or inaction. the system put in place will always be much more sturdier than one person's claims

wei wuxian in front of all the clans accuses the jin clan and specifically jin zixun of kidnapping and using violence against the wen clan remnants, and no one bats an eye. mianmian speaks for wei wuxian, saying that killing four guards who were abusing the prisoners is not senseless slaughter, and she is put down and her words are dismissed as she is just "a maiden madly in love". lan wangji also speaks for wei wuxian, and without anyone's support, not even his clan's or brother's, his words are silenced and spoken over and dismissed without further notice

hell, even wen ning: jin guangshan organised a public execution and no one questioned jin guangyao why wen ning was alive and well and summoned on dafan mountain!

the main external conflict is the jianghu's hypocrisy and blindness and prejudice and "at least it doesn't happen to me so it doesn't matter" mentality and how the characters choose to conduct themselves and what choices they make in this kind of society and how it reacts back on these choices

[spacelatinoluvr]

Forever is the Sweetest Con

Preview

Summary: You were raw. And real. Something Joel hadn’t known for such a long time.

Word Count: 1.6k

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Tags: Soft Joel, Grumpy Joel, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Reader is friends with Tommy, Reader was a Firefly

Warnings: Angst

You fucked up.

You can’t remember the last time you had really messed something up that bad. Maybe it was the third grade, when you had accidentally cut your hair into an ugly bob because you got bubble gum stuck in your hair. Your mother chided you, taking away your bike for a month. You were so upset with her that you cut your hair even shorter, making you look like a prepubescent boy.

Or maybe it was in high school when a senior boy grabbed your ass at the prom. You punched him in the face for that, in which you got suspended. Your father took away your car keys for a week before he eventually gave them back, returning them with a mischievous smile on his face as he congratulated you on giving the kid a clean right hook- his eye was adorned a bright purple for a good week.

Or the worst could have been when you-

Tommy rang again, speaking your name, each syllable hard and slow. That’s how you knew he was angry. Tommy never yelled because he didn't have to- his lip would fight to curl upwards, eyes ablaze in a fiery haze, hands wishing to thrash out at something. You decided to look him in the face, a decision out of pure curiosity. But, he didn’t look angry.

He wouldn’t look at you, and you raised your gaze to scan his face, his eyes that were everywhere but at you. His eyes sank a little, tired and pleading for an answer from you. His lips were planted in a downwards stream and his hands rubbed against each other, maybe to calm his nerves. He spoke again, this time softer and quieter with his eyes closed.

“You can’t just leave,” He sharply inhaled through his nose. “Especially without sayin’ anything to anyone. Jesus- we- I thought you'd left for good. What the hell were you thinkin’?”

You swallowed, throat becoming dry and achy; saliva had built its way up into your mouth, and your anxiety threatened to spill past you. Tommy was supposed to be pissed- yelling and screaming at you. But, Tommy has never yelled at you; no matter how mad he got. And somehow, even when he did yell or thrash out, his disappointment made you feel worse.

“Please, just tell me why- let me in to understand,” He opened his eyes to glance at you now, leaning his elbows upon his thighs slowly. He looked up at you, eyes darting between your face and your body. “At least tell me why you thought it was a good idea to leave by yourself? Without a word? We were lookin’ for you-”

“I didn’t leave,” You spoke quietly, eyes unwilling to meet him now. You sounded so pathetic. “I was only gone for a little while-“

“A little while?” Tommy let out a breathless laugh. You had wandered to the front gates in your fury, demanding that James open it and let you leave. The poor man was slightly scared as you aimed your gun at him, breathing heavily with an angry stare. But you had to leave. It was early in the morning before the sun had risen, cooler than what the April weather had to offer later in the day. You were gone for the morning, needing some time alone after you and Tommy had an argument. You wanted to be put on patrols yet he refused. You returned earlier that morning after watching the sun rise slowly through the mountains, glistening in the birds' songs and rays of sunlight.

“I needed to be alone. You of all people know how it is. I’m capable of taking care of myself. I should be able to leave without feeling like…” A prisoner, you wanted to say, but you looked at the door instead, sighing as Tommy shook his head, sitting back further into his seat. He was practically lounging in his seat now, arms crossed over his chest as his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

Tommy exhaled sharply, rubbing his hands over his face before dropping them in his lap. “You can be alone here.” He pointed at the floor. "Or outside. Hell, anywhere. You wanna hole yourself up in your house for a week? Fine. Do that. But don’t-" He stopped, exhaling sharply through his nose, shaking his head. "Don’t fuckin’ disappear. Last time you left-" Tommy shook his head suppressing the distant memories.

You scoffed, eyes darkening. “I needed space. Everywhere I turn there’s someone there. I needed to actually be alone.” Tommy glanced at your legs, and you knew what he was thinking. Tommy’s gaze flickered to your legs. A flash of hesitation. Of something softer, something unspoken. And you knew exactly what he was thinking: You can’t be alone. You can’t handle being alone. You can’t even fucking run.

The silence stretched between you, thick with words left unsaid. You had argued with Tommy before. A lot. But this fight was different. This wasn’t about some stupid disagreement. This was about you and your capabilities. How you felt so useless- so careless to only be doing the simplest of tasks when your heart called out for something better.

“I consider you as my family. Do you know that?” Of course you knew that. You’d be stupid to not know that. “You, Maria… you’re all I’ve got left. Don’t be fuckin’ stupid and run off with Buttercup again. I mean- for Christ's sake you didn’t even have a gun!”

“You worry too much about me. I told you I can take care of myself.”

“And when a horde of ‘em comes after you, what will you do? Run?” His finger jabbed towards your leg, referring to your limp. “When a group of raiders find you, shooting Buttercup, what will you do then?”

A lump formed in your throat, hot and suffocating. Your arms curled tighter around yourself. You knew what you were- what you’d become. Just another burden. Another mouth to feed. Another liability Tommy had to protect, whether he wanted to or not. You knew you were an inconvenience to everyone around you; only able to do simple tasks around Jackson like maintenance of the horses, cleaning up in the kitchen, pitching in on dinner a couple times a week, working in the greenhouse.

You remained neutral, swallowing the lump in your throat. You wanted to matter again. You felt so empty without a gun in your hand. When you and Tommy first arrived at Jackson, you were fine with doing the simple things. But the repetition scared you; you needed something different.

“I’m damn good with a gun and you know that Tommy-”

“I know. Hell, you just might be better than me but that's not the point. We're a community here. Were not fireflies anymore-”

“I know that.”

“You keep to yourself, and I get it. I do. But…” Tommy sighed, shaking his head. “Me and Maria are the only people you talk to-”

“I talk to Eugene and Henrietta.” Tommy deadpanned as you adjusted the straps on your overalls.

“They don't count, you have to talk to them. I think it's time for you to finally branch out, get to know some people and make some meaningful friends.”

As if it was that easy. You tried making friends but no one really… stuck around. It was quiet again, and you wanted so badly for Tommy to just forget it. But you knew he wouldn't.

“You’re not alone anymore,” he said finally, his voice gruff but steady. “You don’t have to act like you are.”

You wanted to argue. Wanted to tell him he was wrong; that you had always been alone, that people left, that people died. That being alone was safer, that it was easier, that it meant you didn’t have to sit here and have conversations like this where someone actually cared enough to call you out.

But you didn’t.

Instead, you let out a slow breath, pressing your lips together.

You shifted in your seat. “I just needed to clear my head.”

“And you think disappearin’ is the way to do it?”

You let out a dry laugh, shaking your head as the ponytail you had put it in became looser.

“I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking, Tommy! I mean jesus! You treat me like I’m a fucking child! I can’t do patrols- I can’t watch the gate- what I can-“ You rolled your eyes, scoffing again. “Oh that’s right I can help Henrietta with dinner- oh and I can help in the greenhouse. I’ve been doing this shit for what? Three months? I’m done. Put me back on patrol.” Your eyes slanted, now heated up.

It was quiet again, only this time Tommy was staring at you and the way you fidgeted nervously in your seat that was adjacent to his. The way you played with your thumbs, a habit of picking at the skin when you were upset about something. The way your eyes darted around, not daring to look him in the face. The way you were sat up straight, not like your normal slouch.

And the way that even your body language told him what your words could not. That you were scared. So deathly afraid. Tommy knew you too well; he knew exactly what you were thinking even if you weren't aware of those thoughts yourself.

“I care about you too damn much to-“

The door creaked open when Tommy had started to speak, interrupting him. Both you and Tommy turned towards the sound of it. It was Mike, one of the men on the council who had entered the room hurriedly, speaking out in vigor. He spoke almost excitedly, slightly out of breath as he collected himself. He paused for a moment before speaking.

“It's your brother,” Tommy’s face hardened quickly.

“He’s back.”

A/N: Hello! This is only a small preview into my upcoming Joel fanfic! Chapter 1 will be posted!

Chapter 1

[libertarianbean-plz-dont-step-sh]

Initial disclaimer: didn't read anything you wrote in response to the others in this reblog chain because I was honestly supposed to be in bed an hour ago, so I just can't, man.

I mean I agree with what you said in your response to my point?

I know everything is chemicals, I'm studying chemistry in uni amongst other courses, so I am quite aware of the mechanics of... Life? So, for example, if I said I put sodium hydrogen carbonate in the cake I made you, you'd probably be reconsidering the pros and cons of eating a slice. But that's just baking soda. Not as scary sounding.

Fun fact! That example was brought to you (and me) by Ann Reardon! I have been subscribed to her channels for at least 6 years by now, and I watch all her videos, the one you attached included! So, again, yeah, I am aware and I agree.

I think the misunderstanding in this was caused by me talking about those "evil chemicals", when I was just paraphrasing things I've heard for years that I was criticising.

You then said that it's not correct to say that Europe bans harmful ingredients while the US allows them. But you kinda contradict yourself with your next paragraph?

Correct me if I interpreted what you wrote wrong, but the jist of it is that Europe tends to ban more things, even if it's not 100% sure they are harmful, because it tends to err on the side of caution, while the US strategy is different.

Now, I'm not here to argue who is more correct in its approach because I'm not qualified to do so, nor am I claiming that this way the EU has absolutely banned everything that is harmful. But it does imply that they certainly do so more than the US, who has a more lax approach.

I think a good example of the difference between the US and EU is your radioactive-looking, red-orange Fanta and our pale-orange/yellow, orange juice-colored Fanta, and how it's essentially waterdowned, carbonated, sweetened orange juice.

And for the last point about sugar. Yes, I also agree with that. Obviously. That's just how that works. [That would be the job of the parents, rather than the government, as it can't force parents not to make their kids drink coke (it CAN force them not to snort it though. Isn't that weird?) ]

But the word sugar as we commonly use it refers to sucrose, which is in the same family as fructose, glucose, lactose. So using less or no high-fructose corn syrup IS using less sugar.

Again, not a food scientist. I'm not nearly qualified enough to propose what to use instead.

But my point in my post was never to suggest an alternative, nor, as a matter of fact, to claim that one approach is better than the other. As you said, the US does better in some aspects and the EU in others.

All I was doing was fucking tweaking about having to hear whining for YEARS about how the US is supposed to be more like Europe, only for those same people to whine AGAIN when it does just that.

I don't care who's right or wrong, I care about inconsistencies.

I think being coherent is maybe even more important than being right about a certain aspect.

Because it's incredibly difficult to be right about something, and if you are completely honest to yourself, you will never truly know if you are right about a certain topic, it's basically impossibile. But what you CAN be certain of, is if your logic is consistent or not. That is something you can know

(that means you can be consistently wrong, but still, it's better than being inconstant AND wrong)

I can think of a hundred things we could do to improve our collective health a hundred fold more than replacing sugar with a slightly different sugar that breaks down to be the same sugar in our bodies.

Free cancer screenings.

Eliminating food deserts.

Free vaccines.

Free birth control.

Drug treatment.

Naloxone to anyone who wants it.

Okay, I am too tired to do one hundred. But I'm sure I could.

[factual-fantasy]

25 asks! Thank you! :)) 💥

How SWEET and GENEROUS he is?? ...Gorl, no.. 💔.. when I rewatched transformers prime the second time around, I had this thought running through my head during every episode I watched. Starting from episode 1,

"Okay, so I know in season 3 somewhere Knockout becomes an Autobot. I'm not sure how, but I cant wait to pick up on all the little hints and details leading up to that that make you think Knockout might not be a con/is a kind person. Like sparing someone when he wasn't supposed to, or treating someone's wounds when he didn't have to. Or deliberately letting one of the human children get away because he didn't want to hurt them. Those are all things you could make a Decepticon do to lead the viewer to think they might not be a con."

You know what we got instead? Any opportunity he's had to backstab someone, save his own skin, knock people down, hurt people, unnecessarily toy with people and upset them, get away with wrong doings and making himself look better no matter the cost to others? He absolutely took it with no hesitation.

I need some clearer evidence, like screenshots and gifs because I just do not see him as a good person. He doesn't take his job seriously or care about his patients, he just likes getting to rip people apart while being protected by the Decepticon army.

I'm not trying to start an argument or crap all over a character you seem to like- I'm just trying to say I absolutely do not know what you're talking about. I would like to have my mind changed about Knockout so I can more easily fit him into my AU as an Autobot💔So I'm open to further explanation about Knockout.

(I had planned to just completely wipe away Knockouts character and build a new personality for him because he's just Decepticon all the way to his core.)

@ardent-38 (Referencing this post)

Thank you so much! :DD And ngl that might be the only option if I wanna add Jetfire. Hmm.. I'll have to think about it..

Maybe Ravage would do that.? <XDD

Its hard to say, I can hardly remember what Gersons character is like <:/

(The gif is hidden because its not my artwork to share. Its a tall Seam grabbing a tiny Jevil by the face and yeeting him up into the sky)

They would be quite shocked and be sure to keep Jevil away from that Seam <XDD

Funny you should say that. A while ago I thought about making a comic talking about how Jangles is technically adopted because while I made the other three from scratch, I bought Jangles from a store and dolled him up.

But in the end I never finished the comic because of dried up motivation and I didn't want to give Jangles the title of "adopted". Partly because he actually lines up with other sonas of mine and sometimes looks more related to me than Bibi does. Plus idk it just didn't feel fun/right to call him that.

(Link in ask)

Bibi would be less likely do anything that annoys me. So Cici might go cause trouble with Gerald instead XD

"Why am I not on it??"

"You have no transmission.. or engine rn..."

"Oh yeah- 💀"

@florafandoms

You are right, its been so long I cant remember what inspirations I had for that comic <XD If any-

And thank you, they're gonna get tough as this depressive episode/brain fog/????/artblock gets worse. But hey I can at least try to try. 👍

Oh absolutely, with all the kids but Miko and Jack especially.

I feel like Miko never got a moment to connect with Optimus. And There was so much trust and responsibility placed on Jack that felt like it came out of nowhere. I wish he would have spent a lot more time with Optimus before that so the viewer would understand why Optimus picked him <:/

Also thank you so much! <:)))

@glitchhayden418

XDD Thank you! (?? Don't start world war 3 please💗)

I have no measurement of time when it comes to the Autobots. In human years I have no idea how old they are, how often they need to sleep, how often they need to refuel, nun of that. Do transformers even have designated sleeping times and "all nighters"??

If they do, maybe the human equivalent of 3 days..?

@badlyblurry

Prime would have been perfect if Arachnid and Breakdown had swapped places. Where Breakdown killed Arachnid instead and her remains were dragged off by MECH.

@misscherrypie (Image is from this post)

I know I should put some kind of notice thing on my phone or somewhere, but I know I wont. 🤷 I'll just forget again next year and it'll make for a funny post I guess.

And I've thought about giving them lore and making comics about them, but ultimately I don't have the motivation for that kind'a stuff anymore. At least not atm. 😔

@deimos21

I watch Markiplier and Ethan play it a little bit ago. I cant remember what the enemies were like but the little playable robots are too funny XDD

@wolfie-777

XDD "Hop". I hop your Easter was good this year too! :)

@smithanonsworld

Happy (late) Easter! :DD

Honestly fair XD

That's exactly what Bash Buggy did XDD

Ehh... I don't think so. Why would I bother talking about the fandom/series that's made me so uncomfortable? I'd rather just keep all my Octonauts artwork/opinions private.

@beryl-shade

Well for starters,,, In the humans mind they couldn't start the "car" without a key. So the bot could just stay shut down and not move until the human realized they cant start it and go away.

If they tried to hot wire the car and started prying at the plating, the bot could probably kick them out of the cab by transforming their seats and shoving them out the door with them. Then they would just drive away.

Who cares if this human runs off and tells anyone about this haunted car that drove off by itself? Is anyone gonna believe anything the whacko who tried to steal a car has to say? No reason for the bots to chase after him.

But alllllll that aside. If the human got inside and somehow "started" the car or it was already running, I can imagine the bot faking a backfire or shutting themselves down and pretending not to start until the human leaves. 👍

I have certainly heard of it, but I've never watched it <:/

AAAA THAT'S SO COOL! :DDD I hope it goes well for you! :))

(Referencing this post)

Oh yeah I forgot he did that to Bulk XD Maybe the only people he'd struggle with is Optimus, Megatron and Ultra Magnus because of their weight and fighting experience.

And I cant see TFP Ratchet ever being like that. But its crazy to hear he was like that in the comics! XDD

@silverscale (Images from this post)

Nooooo don't zoom in you can see all my coloring mistakes <XDD

[hauntingblue]

Cailtyn being so absent from arc 2 is not good... we just get the repercussions of her actions but nothing of what's going on inside her head

[thesixsixsixeyes]

At first, Satoru thought he yearned for things to simply return to how they used to be—back to reckless teenage years where he felt invincible, with his best friend always by his side. But as time passed, and age carved its quiet wisdom into him, he realized that wasn’t what he truly longed for. He yearned for what could have been. A life with Suguru at his side—together, reshaping the sorcerer world into something gentler, kinder. A world where no young sorcerer would have to suffer the way they did. That dream haunted him more than any ghost.

More than anything, he just wanted Suguru back. In his life, through the chaos, through the quiet. Things didn’t need to be perfect—Satoru never asked for perfection. He only wished he'd truly been there for Suguru. To have seen the pain in his eyes and understood it. To have held space for his sorrow instead of masking it with jokes and forced smiles. It wasn’t that he was blind—he tried in his own flawed way to lift Suguru's spirit, to summon the courage to ask the questions his heart already feared the answers to.

But he hadn’t known how to say, “Talk to me. Let me carry some of that for you.” And when Suguru left, all Satoru had left was rage—rage that masked heartbreak. And now...Now, all he wanted was to prove to Suguru that he still cared. Despite everything, he was trying. They had always shared the same dream—only the paths they chose tore them apart. Maybe Satoru was too much of an optimist. But he could hope.

His lower lip trembled as he kissed Suguru like he was starving for him, like his very existence depended on it. Just as he was about to deepen the kiss, Suguru shoved the blankets over his face. A startled yelp left him, comical and abrupt—but it died in his throat, replaced by a guttural moan as Suguru enveloped him, clenching around him with exquisite pressure that made Satoru’s body jolt, arching with desperate need. Still, he fought the urge to lose control. He tried to slow it down.

A pained cry slipped out, deepening into a growl when Suguru bit into his neck. He could’ve used Infinity. Could’ve healed the mark instantly. But he didn’t. He let the pain blossom and linger, savoring the rawness. Another growl tore from his throat when Suguru pinned his hands, denying him touch. Satoru’s eyes flared with emotion at Suguru’s cold words—fury, pain, desire clashing in a storm.

He tore the blankets away just to see his face again. His expression wasn’t wounded or angry—it was determined. Stubborn. With a snarl, he flipped them over, pinning Suguru beneath him. One hand wrapped around his throat—not to hurt, but to hold, to anchor. His thrusts were slow, but punishingly deep, heavy with emotion and need. He slammed into him with a force that echoed all the things he couldn’t put into words.

“You don’t get to tell me how I feel!” he growled against Suguru’s lips, his voice breaking with passion. “Despite everything, I love you. I don’t want to go back to before—I’m not that naive, reckless teenager anymore. I want something better. And I’m trying, Suguru. I am. Just… give me time.”

His hips moved with aching intensity, each thrust driven by desperation, by love he didn’t know how to carry any other way. He dropped his head, nuzzling into Suguru’s cheek and neck, breathing him in like he could inhale the years they lost.Suguru didn’t know. He didn’t fucking know how much Satoru loved him. And even if he did, somehow it still hurt.

“At least for now,” Satoru whispered, his voice finally soft, broken with tenderness, “let me make you feel good.”

Let’s pretend nothing else matters.

Satoru sees it,right as the words leave his mouth, right as the air between them shifts into something cold and unreachable. He ruins it. He ruins whatever this was for Suguru. And the panic that floods him is immediate, overwhelming. Suguru is going to leave. He’s going to disappear again, just like before, and Satoru will be left behind with nothing but the ghost of what he could never have. And worst of all? He can't even pretend he didn’t see this coming. He’s always known. Deep down, he’s always known. Suguru never felt the same. Not like he did.So why did it still hurt this much? Why did it still feel like dying?

His own expression falters — if it hadn’t already been transparent with desperate longing, it now crumbles into something raw and agonized. He had sworn he would play along, take whatever Suguru was willing to give scraps, moments, stolen nights, and pretend it was enough. Pretend he could be content with just a body against his, instead of a heart that would never be his. But he just couldn’t help himself. He wasn’t that careless teenager anymore, the one who joked everything away, who kept his distance, who hid behind laughter and jokes. No. Now he was raw. Unfiltered. Willing to bleed, to be pathetic, to fall to his knees if it meant Suguru might look at him the way he wished he would. He didn’t care about sides. About war. About pride. About consequences. The only thing that mattered right now was Suguru.

"You had to have known," Satoru breathes, the words shaky, broken. His voice cracks in the middle, and he hates himself for it. You must have known what you mean to me. You must have known I love you.

Desperation claws at him as he reaches up, thumb stroking across Suguru’s cheek, other hand tangling in his hair, trying to pull him closer, trying to hold him here — trying to make him stay. He leans up, presses their foreheads together, breathing him in like it’s the last time he’ll ever get to.

"I don't care what you call it," Satoru says hoarsely. "If you need it to be just sex, fine. Call it that. Let it be that for you. But not for me.”

He searches Suguru’s face for something, for a crack in the armor, for anything. But all he sees is distance. A quiet, cruel kind of mercy. Suguru isn’t going to give him more. Suguru never was.Satoru swallows hard, forcing back the hurt that threatens to spill over, forcing a smile that trembles at the edges. He can still pretend, if that’s what Suguru needs.

"It can still be good," he says roughly, his hands tightening almost possessively on Suguru’s hips, dragging him flush against him. His voice drops into a low, desperate growl. "You know it can be more than good."

He crushes their mouths together, hungrily — desperate to brand himself into Suguru’s skin even if he can never touch his heart. He kisses him like he can somehow breathe life into something already dead. And through it all, the words he doesn’t dare to say thunder silently between every heartbeat… I love you. I love you. I love you.

[thewardenisonthecase]

btw tw for talking about abuse

I've seen a lot online about how the game never mentions Caterina's abuse of Lucanis while he was growing up (being beaten and starved, which is mentioned in the Wigmaker Job) and I think there's a small mention to it if you're a crow (when asked, he says it was torture training under the first talon and that he resented her for a long time)

And while I do think part of the reason why this isn't brought up is just due to how sanitized this game is when it comes to the crows, I think I do understand why in world wise it's not possible to just be like hey lucanis, fuck your grandma.

It's really hard, loving someone who hurts you. Because you know they're hurting you and yet, you still love them. It's even harder when they're family.

Because its not like Lucanis doesn't know that she hurt him. He says so himself - he hated her, he resented her, and althought I do think him 'justifying' it by saying that at least it prepared him for the life of a crow, at least he still admits that it happened.

But the thing is that despite all this shit, she's still his grandmother. And like, yes, blood shouldn't excuse justifing this behaviour, I feel like it's cultural. Idk how spain or italy works when it comes to family, but here in brazil, you'll hear so many stories of physical abuse happening in families, and its still a situation like Lucanis - i hate them, i resent them, i love them, they're my family.

It's a...complicated situation and I think Lucanis's situation is made worst by the fact that he only has two family members alive and that he cannot let go of.

She beat him, she starved him, he hated and resented her, and he was afraid of dissapointing her, even if in her eyes, i don't think he could. I mean, he comes back an abomination and she still tenderly says 'my poor boy' when you rescue her in the Villa.

All in all...it's tought and I think that it would not be Rook's place to suddenly make Lucanis want to kill his grandma bc he wouldn't. Sorting out those feelings is something he has to do himself, and i'l almost glad the game doesn't make rook do a therapy session with him to talk about it.

[okitanoniisan]

no one can reach my level of petty hating about the stupid english title

[dapperrokyuu]

Needing a Sua perspective from the ALNST auditions to Round 1. I never put much thought into what happens to the cast post-Anakt Garden graduation (do they immediately go to the auditions? Is there a period of time where they dont see each other until they recognize each other at the audition? Theres a considerable amount of time between the auditions and their Alien Stage season, did they see each other often between then or...? etc.), but regardless, imagine being her and having to choose between sabotaging your own audition so you dont have to go the the Sing, Win, or Die Show or putting your in your all in hopes of winning and spending just a bit more time with this girl you love because you know itll likely be the last time you see her. Imagine...

[dullahandyke]

Who is Bláthnaid youve been Bláthnaid posting recently who is she?

Girl (gender-neutral) in my noggin <3

[thursdayg1rl]

one of the dramas from the wedding was one of the grooms cousins (on the other side not mine) just not wearing the clothes we had made for her specifically

[br1ghtestlight]

i love to make up horrible toxic fanon ships for my own ocs. its so funny 2 me and also interesting..... like every combination of characters that could conceivably happen i have thought about. some of them would 100% without a doubt make each other WORSE. some of them i genuinely think couldve worked if i had come up with them earlier and invested the time into their romantic relationship. some of them are actual jokes between my characters in "canon" bcuz specifically i think the idea of jayden thinking two is hot is funny Tbh. like he doesn't want u bro!!!!!! he barely even wants sunshine!!!!!

[thecherrygod]

/

[kisskissgotohell]

i just wanna point out that, like. it's okay to disagree with the main character. just because they're the pov of the story doesn't mean they're infallible or that their word is law? you can like that character that tried to kill the mc. you can think the mc made the wrong choice. you can forgive things that the mc would never forgive, or choose not to forgive things that the mc does, because you're not the main character. you are the reader of the story, and just because you can't change it (and it's not the author's responsibility to capitulate to fans) doesn't mean you can't form your own opinions about it. it's fictional! that's the point! have fun with it!!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also quite the illustration in wags being like "'not asking permission' - wags" and plowing through someone expressing a physical boundary but he was already intending to use physical violence & violation & assumed corresponding distress as a tool to get his way....amidst the typicality, "correctness," permissibility of all that around here like five times an hour